September 21, 2014
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walking on the Word.
Sometimes sweet memories pop up -- I remembered a moment as I had walked into her office, right before an important meeting, only to find the Shepherd's Daughter wrestling with her leopard print boots.
"Oh I'm just putting a Scripture verse in each shoe," she said, her eye twinkling at my face. "Just a reminder for me -- walking on the Word."
Comments (61)
sweet moments pop up my mind too in these few days...
digestive system went wrong 3 weeks ago
80% back to normal
lost 7 pounds
also got high fever that week, 103.2F
healed, but up to 102.2F again today
also got "something" in the uterus
ultra sound this month end
very tired
feel like an oldie in her last days
don't know how to walk on
i only want to sleep...
broken
hopeless
好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛好痛
so burdened
heavy
yet empty
couldn't sleep
didn't work
not even present today's service
no i don't blame my Father
just don't wanna wear a mask
will stand up
will work
will live!
I cant sleep
I cant sleep
I wish i could cry
I cant cry
I dont understand
I dont understand
Shes back here for over a year
Her parents are here
He and his parents are here
Why did they get marry elsewhere?
Maybe its a nice place
Maybe they want to safe all rhe troubles here
But then why doesnt he admit her as his wife in front of people?
How can he cover up the happiness and joy as a newly wed?
How can he not give his wife the identity she deserves?
Does he love her?
Maybe his dad was only joking??
Me still in denial?? First stage??
Who was it that said all the words of love to me in all those days???
No one in this wide world ever loves me
No one
Never
My only vague hope smashed
Yet
I dont even have a reason to admit my pain in front of the world
No, i dont wanna go on any more
I havent strength anymore
Ask me to act like nothing while being badly torn inside?
For the rest of my life?
Let me die
Please
Give me strength to die
I wasted all my hope
Wasted all my heart
Wasted all my love
Wasted all my time
Wasted all my energy
On a dont-know-who in the computer
He had left long long ago in reality
He had turned away long long ago
I wrote him i talked to him but i never am anything to him
These 9 1/2 years are false
I just didnt realize my heart my life are gone
I should have died 9 1/2 years ago
indescribable pain
how possible i fall that deeply to someone who never ever utter a little word of love to me?!?!
I'm told that i'm beautiful
That i'm loved so much
But he chooses to marry reputation and convenience
I'm only a tool to satisfy his emotions online
I'm only a dust offline
Maybe his dad was joking
I still choose to escape
I'm told that i'm beautiful
I'm told that i'm loved so much
He gives up on love
He chooses to marry reputation and convenience
He uses me to satisfy his emotions in the dark
He disqualifies me in his reality
I can't take it
I can't see them together
How i wish his dad was only joking
Tell me it was only a joke
Please
Being afraid to see them together actually stops me from going to places... did he even realize that??
我知，我痴線，我有病，我白痴！
人家從來就不屑跟我說一句話，
頂多只是網上消遣消遣。
人家絕頂聰明，
我就死蠢，死認真，
落得如此悲賤收場，
又怪得邊個？！
His photo still sits on bedside table
Watching me while i sleep
He still comes to me
I hold him
Warmly tightly
Heart filled
Hearts filled
Two souls become one
我知道
我知道這極荒謬
但係這一刻
我真的好痛
好痛
so... many... things... on... hand...
so much pressure...
then i remember what he told me in the past
- do them one by one, one by one...
i'm following that he taught now...
can you imagine he's still influencing me?
after all... these... days...?!
i'm a good kid
)
相識滿天下，
知己卻幾人?
此刻，10000km 以外，
在想你，好想好想你。
既然你認定我沒資格給你幸福，
我唯有冀盼你跟她幸福。
請牢記: 不要做事務的奴隸，
最大的誡命，是愛。
難道沒有我們的工作，
祂要作的工會作不完?
然而若非生活於愛中，
我們就無能力、無法去愛...
我愛你
Me to you/him:
I'm not in your list,
I don't receive the repertoire.
But I remember,
today is first rehearsal.
I wish I were there,
but you already have chosen her,
you have her,
I should not be there anymore,
I'm currently physically 10,000 km away,
yet I want you know that my heart is with you,
like I always do,
always...
I avoid going to places where he and she will appear together,
this way I can still have a faint hope that his dad was only joking,
he and she are not related.
They are not related.
They're not related...
I will die if I see hold her shoulder or hands...
I will die if I read her change her last name...
I will die if I see him hold her shoulder or hands...
I will die if I read her change her last name...
Seeing the mountains,
the waters,
I was awed by the Beautiful Work of the Creator.
At the same moment,
I felt such an emptiness not having him there seeing all these with me...
I'm considered not qualified as his life partner,
can I then be a friend?
Be a best friend?
A playmate?
A workmate?
Can we at least talk?
Share thoughts and ideas?
Share life's ups and downs?
Why not?
I don't even qualified to be your friend??
我好憎、
好憎自己，
為何對一個絲毫不懂珍惜自己的人，
仍舊念念不忘？
為何我這麼明頑愚拙？？
為何我仍痴心妄想？！
連食一餐飯的時間都冇？
你跟她如膠似漆得連一頓飯都分不開？
抑或你係神仙？不用吃飯？
定係我真的如此不堪？
you once said you don't treat a friend like a book, read it through then put it aside.
YOU! HUGH HUGH HUGH LIAR!!!
寫、
寫、
寫，
我根本就對著黑洞說夢話，
根本就唔會有人care,
唔會有人理我。
白痴！！
徹頭徹尾不折不扣的白痴！！
見唔到，
都係陪住...
不來了...
但請記得:
我的心在，
禱告也在。
心連心
<3<3
冇得睇醫生
冇得食止痛藥
雁，毋須婚約，
卻是一雙一對不分離。
人呢？？
差不多沒有一晚我可以好好的休息睡覺。
再咁落去，我點算? 我會變成點?
你話我知，我點算好?
曾幾何時，
你話你要一個 workmate, playmate.
渡過長長的年日、
經過詳詳的傾訴，
我倆不已經是 soulmates 了嗎？
我不相信我倆會做不成 workmates, playmates.
歸根究柢，
你是要個 bedmate 吧。
Platonic love,
絕對有深愛自己女人的男人做得到!
可惜你.......
床上生活如何？
快活嗎？
落床之後呢？
開唔開心？
你重複重複的說愛我...
你若真的愛我，
點解跟她結婚？？
你若愛她愛得要伴著她一生一世，
點解你仲要玩我？？
等了這些年，
都等不著你在現實中走近我；
其實，我亦自己知自己事，
不敢奢望跟著你的姓，
但望在生活上互相守護、扶持。
你不知道你自己不能滿足於純淨的愛嗎？？
點解你仲要攪我？？ 點解？！
嗰兩間嘢裏面
嗰班污糟嘅政治男人
屈辱得我未夠？？
要你出馬
把我從泥濘中抱上高天
再狠心地拋棄回地上
但求我粉心碎骨肉爛為止？
靜靜告訴你，
再講、再寫，
我都冇真正怨你恨你。
我實在太蠢、
太無可救藥了吧...
是否因此
啲男人就看上我，
貪我玩夠就掉，
冇責任討，
冇手尾跟？？
除了夠蠢，
我沒有可欣賞的 qualities 了嗎？？
有！
我有！
你知道嗎？
是你讓我知道我有！
這大概是
我對你難以忘懷的原因之一吧。
但
為何竟然是你拋棄我？？？
我好想喊，
好想喊，
好想讓你緊抱懷中
大喊一場...
好想喊，
好想喊，
好想你...
擁著我，
please,
好緊好緊的擁著我...
用盡力，
用盡力抱緊我...
someone said to my name that "I wish I was her boyfriend"
and i wish i were his girlfriend...
can we?
can we??
Hey，去 camping 吖?
想同你排排坐，
睇星星，
乜都講一餐，
乜都笑一餐
我知道，
我好清楚知道，
你其實經已死了，
我倆其實活在兩個世界;
但、 你仍活在我心中...
今晚 blue moon ，
不如就今晚動身吖?